Common Questions
How do I know if we’re a good fit?
Therapists often talk about finding someone who’s ‘a good fit’ but we rarely explain what that means! A good therapist for you is someone you feel pretty comfortable with.
You should get a good vibe from them, and chatting with them shouldn’t feel overly awkward. Of course, first conversations with anyone new can be somewhat clunky, but you want to walk away from the consult with an overall sense that this is someone you’d like to talk to.
This sounds like deep work. What if I’m not ready to dive into my past?Totally fair! Going deep is a slow process, and it should happen naturally over time. Most clients start by talking about everyday experience, stressors from their week, things that happened at work or in their relationships. And as we have those conversations, I’ll help you start to notice themes and patterns.
Then we get curious about how long things have been going this way, when you first started in a pattern, and where you might have learned it. The type of work I do shouldn’t feel invasive into your past, even when talking about trauma. It should feel relevant and driven by natural curiosity about yourself.
I’ve never done therapy before. What actually happens in the first session?The fact that you’re here, considering therapy for the first time, is awesome! A lot of my clients are first timers, and I know therapy is such a strange concept when you haven’t experienced it. Prior a first session, we will have already met once to chat during our consult and you will also have filled out some paperwork.
I usually start by chatting through the paperwork, making sure you understand everything, and asking more questions about the information you shared. You’ll get a chance to talk more about what brings you in, what your goals are, and to ask any questions on your mind. I don’t dive right into big heavy stuff, I know it’s early and we’re getting to know each other.
What if I get upset or emotional?
So many of us live disconnected from our deep emotions, and the idea of accessing them can be scary and overwhelming. There is absolutely no pressure to get into the big feelings right away, nor is there anything wrong with bringing big feeling right away. Therapy is YOUR time, YOUR space, for whatever YOU need.
Some people are carrying so much that the second they sit down for their first session, the floodgates open. Others are so used to keeping it all together that they may spend months or even years in therapy before they feel comfortable and ready to release emotions. My job is to hold space for you, wherever you are, and to gently help you move toward increasing connection to your emotional self.
How long will I need to be in therapy?
The length of therapy varies based on your goals and what therapy provides for you. There are clients who find benefit and step back from therapy in a little as 6 months. There are clients who decide that they want to keep that space for support the rest of their lives. It all comes down to what you want out of therapy and how going to therapy ends up feeling for you.
What if I try it and decide it’s not for me?
Therapy isn’t for everyone, and there’s nothing wrong with deciding it’s not your jam. At any time you can let me know that you’ve decided to step back, and I’ll support you. If you decide that you want to try working with someone else, that’s ok too! What makes therapy work is that you want to be there, and there’s absolutely nothing gained by a therapist pressuring you to continue if that’s not what serves you.
What if I don’t know what to talk about?
Sometimes you just sit down and your mind goes blank. It happens! And you know what? Sometimes those end up being the most amazing sessions. Instead of focusing on the day to day life stuff, it can give us a chance to talk about bigger things.
Often clients first come into therapy with some bigger life goals (improving their relationship with a partner, healing their relationship with food, learning to live life with less stressing) but can end up chatting about what happened at work, what their kid is up to, or any other daily life stuff. The weeks when nothing of note happened can be the weeks when we refocus on your big goals and explore why it’s so easy to lose focus on them.
Why don’t you take more types of insurance?
I have chosen to work primarily as a private pay practice so I can provide care without the restrictions insurance companies often require. this allows me to focus fully on your goals without diagnostic or session limits. I’m happy to provide Superbills for clients to pursue out-of-network reimbursement.
Do you give homework?
The most common form of ‘homework’ I give is gentle encouragement to notice things, take some notes, or try something out. If we’re talking about patterns of stress response, I may ask you to notice how often through the work day you find yourself feeling stress. If we’re trying to better understand conflict you’re having with your partner, I may as you to jot a few thoughts down after moments of conflict. If we’re trying to build some mindfulness into everyday life, I might ask you to practice walking the dog mindfully instead of scrolling while you do.
Occasionally I’ll offer something more concrete, like a log to formally track thoughts, but when that happens it’s because we’ve deiced together that more structured support works better for you.
How do I start? Reaching out feels overwhelming.
Looking for a therapist is a lot. You’re already struggling, and now you’re view listing after listing, website after website. I get it. As with any daunting task, it can help to start small. Write a simple email draft and send it to the first 5 therapists who catch your eye. See who gets back to you and schedule a couple consults. Notice a sense of urgency if it’s there and try to push back on it a little, there’s no rush here. Getting a feel for how consults go is really helpful, so it makes sense to schedule more than one.
And honestly, if all you have in you is to message one person and get started with them just to get the ball rolling – that’s ok too. You can ALWAYS make a change later if you need to.